Saying Goodbye

It's never easy... I've had to do it several times in my life with people who I cared deeply about... two aunts, a cousin, a grandpa... and now a friend.

I met John in January of 2006, after graduating from undergrad and entering an identify crisis. I met him at a DUI school where a local singles ministry met for Bible study once a week. The girl who invited me told me an "older" guy led the study. I expected so middle-aged creepy dude but it turned out to be John. He was a mild tempered guy who let me argue with people without judgement. I really enjoyed being welcomed into this group of friends. I didn't get to be a part of it very much the first part of the year but by the summer, my parents and I had started visiting the church the group was from. Every week, John would come and talk to me and ask how things were going. When I told him I was looking for a roommate, he told me that he would keep an ear out. He later told me he had asked several people.

The day I moved into the Lofts in Newnan, he brought me cookies (baked no doubt in the counter top toaster oven he swore by). We started hanging out a lot then as "neighbors." He introduced me to The Office and convinced me to watch some of the most random movies. John had an uncanny ability to talk me into watching these movies. He really enjoyed movies so naturally we got a long. At some point, we started getting into "movie and a message." A local group of men hold on once a month meeting to do this and we did do several in our singles group. I introduced him to Les Miserables and Stranger than Fiction and he introduced us to Gattaca. Some of my favorite conversations with John were about the redemptive qualities of movies. He was a story teller at heart. He always talked about "when I write a screenplay..."

While we lived at the Lofts, we spent countless nights talking about life along with my roommate Angela. She had a dog, Piper, and John was the only guy Piper didn't attack. We didn't always agree about the topic but it never held us back.

We also had great talks during bike rides. In 2007, we all bought bikes and started a long tradition of Peachtree City bike rides. We spent weekday evenings and Saturdays whenever we could bike riding. During my grad school days and John's unemployment, we made some weekday rides and talked about life. They continued bikes rides long after I had moved to Loganville in 2009. I think that is one thing he missed the most when his health kept him from riding.

London had a special place in John's heart. He first went there in 2006 with Southcrest Church and I had the privilege of going on his second trip the following Summer. I had spent a year of hearing stories of London and the work he was a part of there. It was a special glimpse into what John loved about working towards something. Something as simple as mixing paste to hang wallpaper became an opportunity to handle it with precision and care. Never felt inferior from him or the rest of the all male team because of my lack of skill. He would go on the next year he would return for six months and he would describe it as some of the most refining and encouraging days of his life.

So many other memories... Braves games, the 2007 new year's eve misadventure, House, karaoke, praying while I cried over a family member's poor choices, Zaxby's, Seinfeld, cigar smoking (he never did convince me to do it), celebrating birthdays... six years of memories... six years that changed my life.

I'll never forget where I was when I found out about his cancer... I woke up one morning and got onto facebook and saw this funny little black and white picture on John's page. I immediately called him and left a message (half ticked off cause I found out on facebook). He called me back and told me that he would be having surgery in a few days and that being a real-life House episode was not as fun as it seemed. The next two years he spent in treatment, we all got to see his unwavering faith in the Lord's plan for his life. I often stopped him from talking about his death because I didn't like to think about it. He had faith that no matter what happened, God's will would be done and he was OK with that. He's encouraged countless believers and wowed staunch atheist by his faith. I cherish the visits I had with him over the past two years: bringing him a huge sunshine balloon to the hospital and making him laugh, hours-long trips to Zaxby's, attending my graduation party on Mother's day, being my date to Ellis and Allie's wedding, stopping off in Augusta to have dinner with me on his way to the beach with his family, sending my mom with a goodie basket while I was in NOLA on a service trip.... these last few were the hardest - would leave his mom's house crying as I saw my friend change. I never doubted that my friend was still there... his ability to interact with us was declining. I am thankful for coworkers and friends who helped make these visits possible. I will cherish his final words with me forever.

Last night, I had the great privilege of holding John's hand hours before his earthly life ended. Earlier that day, his sister and mom read him a letter I wrote before my last visit. Some of this post I got to tell him through that letter. I held his hand and apologized for being too chicken to tell him those things myself. I thanked him for his friendship that has spilled over into so many areas of my life. Many of my friends who primarily knew him through my stories of John were praying. My younger brother will always remember his generosity and friendship to me.

I miss him already. I miss talking to him about stuff - movies, careers, family, friends, the Lord. I miss hearing him say "can't complain" when I ask him how he is doing. I miss him reminding me to seek the Lord and trust Him. I miss him razzing me for being "born to be a project manager." I miss him laughing when I remind him that I am a recovering feminist. I miss him rolling his eyes when I tell him to keep bringing "sexy back."

I miss him.

John Richard Tyler

April 4, 1975 - February 10, 2012

Though I wish my Blueberry or young cousins or no one would never have to experience this, I know life better... I hope that you take every opportunity to love others. There is a small voice in me telling me never to get this close to someone again. But that small voice is wrong. God is glorified by our choice to be in relationships. He is the one who take me and the countless others who loved John through this difficult time. This passage has been a source of comfort for me these past few months.

Psalms 73:23-26, 28

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.

If you would like to read about his two year journey with cancer, check out his blog http://jtsbrain.blogspot.com/